What Does It Mean To Be Manly?

Wonder whether you've noticed this - in POTC 3 Johnny Depp has something exquisitely feminine tied around his left wrist: a wisp of white lace.


A outward expression of his feminine side? Or (as he says) a trophy piece from a young woman?

There were two articles in Thursday's Star that caught my eye. One was Dina Zaman's (author of I am Muslim) musings on what maketh a Malaysian man, and the other was a Los Angeles Times-Washington Post piece titled What Is Manly?

Both drew similar conclusions - that it is infinitely better to be a girl in this day and age.

What a striking contrast that is! A few years back women would be stuck at home; no degree, no money no independence. Today they're being prepared to lead corporations, to excel in the workplace, to become pillars of society!

Well, at least in other nations they are. Malaysia is still by and large patriarchal and will be for the next generation or so.

The LAT-WP article highlights the fallout from the feminism movement in one paragraph:

"In trying to empower the girls," Sandborn says "we implicitly sent a message that the guys were not as good. Women have succeeded in creating positive new roles for themselves. What we haven't come up with is what a positive image of a man should be"

And then it goes on to explain mating rituals - years ago it was so clear cut: young man asks girl out, picks her up and takes her home. Times 10.

Now she will drive herself, meet up with him and either offer to pay for herself or insist on paying. She may bolt, or she may end up in bed with him, but chances are he would have no idea just what caused any of the many combination of actions she could do.

"The male has to learn to interpret the direct and indirect actions of the female" says Gabriel Harries, a student of Union College in Schenectady, NY. "Most of my friends make an effort to do that, but it's stressful."

The old days sounds so simple.

It's not only enough to be macho these days. Guys like me will have to search for that sweet spot between meathead and pushover. In Dina Zaman's words:

It is not enough to have a good job, he has to be a millionaire. It is not enough to have a wife and family, he must have mistresses and other wives. If that's not enough, men compete with other men for cars watches clothes holidays hobbies country clubs. And on top of this you can't marry the girl you love - you must marry a girl from the right sort of background ...

She ends with: My God these men!

I would like to retort: likewise, but then I realize I can't. And that shows you how bad this actually is.