Have you ever reached a point in your life, no matter how long you've lived it, where you face two paths and are just unable to choose one?
The time where it feels both are equally horrendous or equally promising. And choosing one would mean sacrificing the other. No level, time nor opportunity for a compromise. Or even worse, a time where you don't even know if there is any choice for you choose.
A point where you can't even see the path ahead of you and it feels like you've come to a complete dead-time-to-go-bye-bye-end. Clear cut choices seem to never materialize. Maybe it's because we never notice it when they do. Only when they don't.
People who are going through this time of insecurity and confusion normally change in many ways. For the better or for the worse. It's doubtful they have any control over it. If they did, who'd change for the worse? But those who do, no matter how unwillingly, always get judged. Criticized. It's as if it's not bad enough they're feeling unhappy with who they've become, but the people whom they were leaning on for strength suddenly turn around and start bringing them further down.
Demoralization is the word that comes to mind. And changes cause a lot of that to happen.
So, why am I being so...serious all of a sudden?
Because I don't want to end up like this. 
And because it's been a tiring week.
(Photos taken from my DA account)
I was here thinking about what may or may not happen soon if not sooner.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Choices
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Random Picture Plug
Two months behind:
My worst reading nightmare:
Fast food nation:
Not sure if this is true, but hilarious nevertheless:
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
14th UGS gathering/1st UGS mini-gathering?
Today, three of us UGSers set out with a mission in mind, get a present for a friend. Okay, first of all, sorry that I was so late and screwed up plans to go for a movie after the present hunt. But hey, if we did go for the movie, we would not have had as much conversation as we did, right?
As I said, I was late and when I arrived, the duo had already chosen the present and all I had to do was give it my nod of approval and we proceeded to the cashier where, to my horror, Cedric almost forgot to get the present in the shopping bag after paying for it. He seemed to be distracted by the task of keeping the receipt safely in his wallet. Where he proudly showed receipts, movie tickets and what not from ages ago to me. Tsk tsk. Luckily I was there and automatically picked up the bag as we left.
Later, we decided to grab a few snacks from the supermarket downstairs before heading to the cinemas. This time Cedric yet again almost forgot to get his drink which was placed in a plastic bag after he paid for it, reason again being that he was busy keeping the change and receipt in his wallet. See? That’s the reason why guys can’t go shopping alone. Haha. Ok, just kidding.
Oh did I mention the stares we got from people while walking around? I would have liked to believe that it is our amazing good looks (si ai bin) that attracted such “admiring” stares. However, all credit went to Cedric and his green hair. In fact, later on when I spotted a friend, she claimed to have noticed
Ok, after exiting the supermarket was when plan after plan started to fail. First, we went to the cinema at
Next, the guys wanted to walk over to Star Cineplex instead. I insisted on us calling beforehand to see if there were any movies to watch at that time but all we got was voicemail. So, out we ventured into the hot afternoon sun to Star Cineplex. Where we were yet again disappointed, there were no shows to watch right then, and we had curfews and couldn’t watch the later shows. Which then prompted
So what happened was that in that moment of indecisiveness on what to do, we just plopped down and sat at the chairs in front of the ticketing counters. And talked and talked and ate the snacks we were supposed to have during the movie, and talked.
This time, we caved in to Cedric’s request to go to the bookstore at
Talking ensued again and we tried to count whether this was the 12th or 14th gathering. After slowly trying to go through the whole list from gathering number 1 to the latest gathering, we summed up that this was the 14th gathering afterall. So, in my last post, that was actually the 13th gathering, not the 11th. Oooh.. Kenny’s leaving us for KL is the 13th gathering.. Okay, we lot at UGS are not superstitious, right?
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Internet memories, musings and a random photo
Today, when I opened up my Hotmail inbox, which I seldom ever do these day, I prefer using Gmail, I noticed a Hi-5 invite from a friend. Which led me to think, when was the last time I had even logged in to Hi-5? Haha. I remember the old days, when Hi-5 was just as or almost as popular as Friendster. Remember reading the blogs of two of the bloggers here at Undergroundsquare, Hi-5 journals were their first baby steps into the blogging world. I mean, can you imagine a Sam (magickfreak) blog sans photos? Well, back in her pre-camera days, her blog was just that. And I remember that Saykhia had a journal in Hi-5 too. Goodness, those days seem so long ago.
Anyway, as I was reading through my profile there, I actually cringed! Well, it has only been two years since then, and reading what I wrote back then in my self-description makes me feel like deleting the whole thing. But I hesitated, since I’d like to preserve a part of that as memories. Same goes for my blog, there are certainly some very cringe-worthy posts in the archives. And some posts that make me go, “Wow, how did I write that?” It’s always an adventure to venture down blog memory lane.
Remember back when Fr3ech still had a Xanga blog? Or when Eli James had just the one active blog? (He has multiple blogs now) I searched deep into archives and discovered that Eli James’s love for Apple is one of the things that has not changed much over the years. Heh.
Okay, my point is, sometimes it’s good to look back into the past, it makes us realise how far we have come and also reminds us of who we are. However having said that, we should also remember not to dwell too much in the past. The past is unchangeable, but the future is. That’s something I have to constantly remind myself.
Now, time for random photo of the day…
Manicure in session. And our Boss before his Chlorophyll colour hair. Hmm…
More Apple
In support of The Boss Admin's obsession for Apple products, namely the Mac, I'm here to bring news that Apple will be introducing a new product (or many)!
P/S: The video has its own agenda, but the references to Apple products are too funny to miss :P
Friday, March 23, 2007
Some laughs to share
I got these from Zacq a long while ago and found them while I was clearing out my received items the other day. (I've posted it in UGS before)
And these are just some things from my archives I felt like putting up again ^.^
(Badminton post to come)
I was here in BUGS.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
The 11th(??) Gathering
Well, Sam aka magickfreak has blogged about this gathering, but it hasn’t been put up at this blog. So, here goes an account from wandkey’s view of the gathering that took place, the last gathering UGS had before its admin, Kenny aka Fr3ech, left for studies at KL.
It was a Tuesday, the day after the form 5 people had got their SPM results, and everyone was still in the mood to discuss and rant about results and future study plans. Anyway, the VIP himself offered to host the gathering at his house. I was the fifth to arrive, Kenny, Danny,
Then the pace began to pick up. There was Jylene going on about her amazing feat of last minute preparation for SPM and yet still getting straight As, genius girl and future M.D. And then all the left-over Chinese New Year goodies were pulled out and the eating commenced. Ben handed me a plastic container of almond cookies, proclaiming that they were very nice and I tried one. Later on that afternoon, that container was almost empty. Hmm… Ben? Haha.
As lunch time loomed, queries about what to eat were inevitable. Pizza was the unanimous decision but nobody was keen on driving out to get it then. Someone suggested calling 1300-88-2525, but somehow the plan was abandoned. Kenny whipped out a laptop and putting the wi-fi to good use, (Yes, his house has wi-fi), we tried to look for the local number of the nearest Pizza Hut. Somehow, people kept getting distracted, ending up looking at duno what instead. I got frustrated, took over the laptop and upon Ben’s suggestion searched www.yellowpages.com.my. Wahla, the numbers appeared. Unfortunately, none of the numbers worked. Haih, such is the inefficiency and failure of us to do a simple task of ordering pizza.
In the midst of all that pizza-ordering commotion, Sam and Nicole called up saying they were stranded at school and needed transport getting to the gathering. Thank goodness Angeline was able to drive down and get them. Or else a certain person’s birthday surprise would be a failure too.
Time passed fast while everyone was enjoying themselves, I think. There was lots of eating, our generous host Kenny not only bought some KFC but also lots of “chai kuih”. And laughter was abundant too, including the moment when Danny burst into song singing patriotic songs that he picked up from National Service, hilarious. Unexpectedly, Jylene piped up a few hours before the agreed gathering ending time that her car was already outside waiting and there was a mad dash to take a last-minute group photo before she left. The result is this…
Haha. Something about group photos taken casually just make me laugh, looking at everyone’s poses and facial expressions. Thanks to Siaw Fern for being the cameraperson, she even took the photo twice with each of the 4 cameras for good measure.
Later on after that, we received good news that Garrick was on his way after picking up Zhe Rong and best of all, they were willing to make a stop at Pizza Hut. Yay!
Well, people started getting restless fast and somehow Jeryl and Andrew ended up playing o2jam on Kenny’s computer. Which slowly attracted a crowd. “Thanks” to those two, a few people that afternoon were hooked into playing o2jam, Ben, Nicole, Zhe Rong and Garrick, to name a few.
Ben and Nicole were playing o2jam together, yep you got that right, together. Each of them took a side of the keyboard and played. Mutualism in its truest form. Haha. Aaaww.. such a sweet duet. Ben’s covering his face in this photo though, camera shy perhaps.
Soon, our other admin Cedric was getting fed up with how technology was getting in the way of our gathering. What with o2jam session going on in the back of the house, a laptop on the living room table, and the television blaring. He tried to call things to order and start a game of dares. It was not easy to get everyone to turn off all electronice appliances and play, mind you.
Unfortunately, playing with a group of people who are not willing to play has its consequences. Firstly, everyone had to write down a dare on a piece of paper and it was tossed into a cup to be drawn. I myself got lucky and even though I was the only one who had to draw two dares, one was “Watch TV” and the other was “Go to sleep”. Ingenious. There were weirder dares like “Pluck a strand of hair from a lady” and even lamer ones like “So boring.. want to sleep”.
Danny had the honours of drawing first and he got the “Pluck a strand of hair from a lady” dare. Somehow, Nicole ended up being the victim. And a paparazzi photo taking session ensued as the dare was carried out. I spot two photos in my photo…
The game soon got dull, sorry Boss, at least we tried. And everyone got back to doing their own thing.
Sensing a lull in the day’s events, I remembered the birthday cake I got that was still chilling in Kenny’s fridge and subtlely suggested to him that we bring it out. Cedric’s was called upon to divert the birthday girl Sam’s attention.
Apparently, Cedric’s attempts were futile as I was shocked to see Sam entering the kitchen from behind me as Angeline and I were preparing the cake. She was promptly chased back to the living room where whatever means the rest of them used to detain her there, I have no idea. Haha.
Ah Sam, even people bring birthday cake to her still have to snap photos of it.
Look! Sam’s face was smashed into the cake! Nah, just kidding. She was just removing the candles from the cake with her teeth, as requested by some people with funny ideas. Haha.
Doesn’t the cake look lovely? It’s chocolate mousse, my only regret was that I didn’t know so many people were going for the gathering and didn’t get a bigger cake. Sigh. As proof to how much Sam liked it, she even licked the cake base after the cake was all sliced up and served to everybody. Seems like it was quite a surprise party to her, since her birthday wasn’t due till a week later.
At last, we took a group photo and this time there was no cameraperson. Guess how we did it? Man, I should have taken a photo of all the cameras lined up in a row on the TV all set on timer mode. It was hilarious! We had no idea which camera to look at for the photos. It was press press press all the 6 cameras in a row and RUN!! Exhilirating.
Soon it was 5pm and people started leaving. Many thanks and well wishes were sent Kenny’s way and I don’t know about him, but if it were me, I’d be close to tears. Hope it was both an enjoyable and memorable gathering for everybody. Remember Kenny, it’s not goodbye, but “see you again next time”.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Amazing Photoshopped Animals.
This is one of the rare posts where i need not write a lot. Just enjoy the pictures and then tell me what you think in the comments.
For safari freaks:
For Tze Lun:
For Steve Irwin:
For Neeli and Sze Howe, the Australians:
And last, but not least - for the Pingu Lovers:
Now comment before i turn you into one of these:
Draw a House
A while ago, our very busy Collegian Paul handed me a link and asked me to draw a House.
House...House?...House?!...Dr House?!
It was a...house drawing activity on this website. That evaluated you...psychologically? based on your drawn house.
Paul's house was very...Interesting. It had...unusual things in it. Ie, rain on only the dog. Rockets etc etc.
Cedrics house reminded me a bit of Squidwards for some unknown reason.
There were other houses too...such as THIS one...with so. Many. Flowers.
And I think the system couldn't find a proper description about this person whose house was...a box.
=) My house...Spot me?
Read the descriptions and see for yourself if it fits the person. *Innocent face* Though... a lot of the statements are based on the questionnaire at the end of the evaluation...
I was here. House shopping blogging.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Poetry May Not Be Overrated
Every so often, i come across a snippet of poetry that makes me stop and gasp and wonder how poets in general play their words into beautiful, twisted works of art. Sometimes the subject matter is so convoluted and hidden behind a torrent of descriptive adjectives that i have to stop and think it out. Today i'm in such a mood. I found a collection of poems on Valentines day (i know, a month ago) that i bookmarked, not sure if and how i should share it over in BUGS.
But i think i will.
IF YOU WERE COMING IN THE FALL - Emily Dickinson
Now what does this poem talk about? You're not sure? Another one, perhaps, on the same subject matter:If you were coming in the Fall,
I'd brush the Summer by
With half a smile, and half a spurn,
As Housewives do, a Fly.If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls—
And put them each in separate Drawers,
For fear the numbers fuse—If only Centuries, delayed,
I'd count them on my Hand,
Subtracting, till my fingers dropped
Into Van Dieman's Land.If certain, when this life was out—
That your's and mine, should be—
I'd toss it yonder, like a Rind,
And take Eternity—But now, uncertain of the length
Of this, that is between,
It goads me, like the Goblin Bee—
That will not state—its sting.
HERO AND LEANDER - John Donne
This is perhaps clearer, since it features the rhyme and the four-part couplet-and-comma structure ... shorter and more breathtaking. It features two mythological lovers, and they are spent.Both robbed of air, we both lie in one ground,
Both whom one fire had burnt, one water drowned.
That should be a hint on what both those poems share. No idea yet? Very well, a third example, this time from the grand master himself:
THE EXPENSE OF SPIRIT (129) - William Shakespeare
The expense of spirit in a waste of shameNow we know that our subject matter is dark, dangerous, as the line 'to shun the heaven that leads men to this hell' tells us. Still no idea? Watch the hedonism projected in the word 'heaven'.
Is lust in action; and till action, lust
Is perjured, murderous, bloody, full of blame,
Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, not to trust;
Enjoyed no sooner but despised straight;
Past reason hunted and no sooner had,
Past reason hated as a swallowed bait
Laid on purpose to make the taker mad:
Mad in pursuit, and in possession so;
Had, having, and in quest to have, extreme;
A bliss in proof, and proved, a very woe;
Before, a joy proposed; behind, a dream.
...All this the world well knows; yet none knows well
...To shun the heaven that leads men to this hell.
Alright. I'll present one last poem, and then i'll tell you what all these poems are about.
THE VINE - Robert Herrick
Ahh. By now you must have guessed.I dream'd this mortal part of mine
Was Metamorphoz'd to a Vine;
Which crawling one and every way
Enthralled my dainty Lucia.
Me thought, her long small legs & thighs
I with my Tendrils did surprize;
Her Belly, Buttocks, and her Waste
By my soft Nerv'lits were embrac'd:
About her head I writhing hung,
And with rich clusters (hid among
The leaves) her temples I behung:
So that my Lucia seem'd to me
Young Bacchus ravisht by his tree.
My curles about her neck did craule,
And armes and hands they did enthrall:
So that she could not freely stir,
(All parts there made one prisoner.)
But when I crept with leaves to hide
Those parts, which maids keep unespy'd,
Such fleeting pleasures there I took,
That with the fancie I awook;
And found (Ah me!) this flesh of mine
More like a Stock, than like a Vine.
All these poems are about SEX.
The first by Emily Dickinson, talks about sexual obsession ("It goads me, like the Goblin bee"), and is probably the mildest of the four i've posted. The second is simple - short, well structured, and easy to understand.
The third is Shakespeare, where 'to shun the heaven that leads men to this hell' makes perfect sense, once we see it in this light.
And the last? Ahh. The last is about an erection and a wet dream. Herrick apparently took the image of a vine from Greek culture (Anakreon, whatever that is), and he chides himself as well as the object of his desire, a certain Lucia (whether or not she exists is interesting, though). And now, in closing, i'm going to put up a poem by Constantine Cavafy, whose love life was homosexual and covert. Read between the lines and try to understand the complex emotions he has while writing this poem:
BODY, REMEMBER
Body, remember not only how much you were loved,Disturbing? To read more, visit the original article.
not only the beds on which you lay,
but also those desires for you
that glowed plainly in the eyes,
and trembled in the voice—and some
chance obstacle made futile.
Now that all of them belong to the past,
it almost seems as if you had yielded
to those desires—how they glowed,
remember, in the eyes gazing at you;
how they trembled in the voice, for you, remember, body.
School-triggered Nostalgia
Today, I went back to SMK St Thomas, which I can now call my previous school, to get some documents certified. Being there sure triggered a lot of memories. After I came back, as I was searching for photos for a blog post, a few photos taken at school caught my eye.
Now this photo, taken in a different angle from most of the photos shown of this school block, shows how the school is surrounded by so much greenery. And tables and benches are strategically located underneath the shady trees should students ever feel the urge to study outdoors. In fact, this school block is the oldest in the school, which is no mean feat considering our school is the first secondary school built in the state and founded in 1848.
Okay, enough of that commentary..
Here’s a funnier photo. The UGSers after the annual prize giving ceremony, decided to camwhore and there’s no better seat in the house than these plush, cushioned armchairs right in front of the school hall’s stage. Ah Kong Kenny immediately assumed his position in the VIP’s seat right in the middle, as expected. And after everyone was seated, Ben, the youngest of the lot of us (only form 2 then!) had no where else to sit and had to stand behind Kenny, looking much like a …. Hehe.
Next, we proceeded to posing on the stage, everybody had their own poses. There was (from left to right) Kenny looking very authoritative, Ben looking very victorious, me looking out of place, Paul looking cool as a cucumber, Aldrin not looking very Thomian sans uniform, Cedric looking chummy with Tay beside him. Haha. What an odd looking bunch, with me being the odd one out.
Sekolah Saint Thomas. There, that’s proof that I did not remember wrongly and the school was indeed founded in 1848. And beneath the sign, there’s a huge banner which is changed every year. In 2006 last year, it beared this purple banner with the battlecry “Honour and Glory”, the last battlecry done by the previous principal, Mr Peter Foo, who has since migrated to greener pastures in Australia.
So there goes my post about my previous school. It has been a memorable one year and a half there doing my form 6. If anyone asks whether I regret going for form 6, I can confidently answer "no" because of this school.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Do A Good Deed Chatting Today
A lot of us use Windows Live Messenger on a daily basis (locally known as MSN and used as a verb), and since we Malaysians absolutely The i'm emoticon hate to donate to anything other than one's own bowl of kolo mee love to throw ourselves into philantrophic causes this should make all of us sit up and take notice.
Microsoft is being a nice big brother and is implementing something called the I'm initiative, which is a campaign to direct a percentage of their Windows Live Messenger advertising earnings to select causes. And not just any causes - a whole range of organizations are in the program, ranging from the National Aids Fund to UNICEF. Guess who gets to choose which programs receive the dough?
That's right: you.
You and half a million users worldwide. Users in MSN now have a secret emo (the i'm emoticon ) that you display in your username, your PMs, and even your messages with friends. Microsoft tracks them and at the end of the day sees which emoticon (denoting which organization) their money goes to. To display one of these emoticons all you've gotta do is to type a simple code, all starting with '*'. Here they are:
codes and causes ...
ready to help, code = *red+u
providing a positive place for kids, code = *bgca
fighting AIDS, code = *naf
joining the MS movement, code = *mssoc
helping 9 million refugee kids, code = *9mil
exploring and protecting the planet, code = *sierra
stopping global warming, code = *help
finding the cure, code = *komen
helping kids survive, code = *unicef
Okay, so maybe just Windows Live Messenger users in the USA. For now. This doesn't stop me from putting up my own badge of honour in my username, to tell Microsoft we Malaysians are capable of doing more than breaking, trashing, reproducing and then enjoying countless copies of your software. (Tze Lun, that was a dig for you calling me The Boss. Grr.)
That's right. We're also extremely capable of directing your funds to causes we choose. Or at least we can pretend to choose.
They want our buddy lists to look like this:
So do i. What are you waiting for?
changing the world. Are you?
Fire Apple
In response to The Boss's post on Cult of Mac, there were 10 reasons why geeks would love anything remotely Apple.
I, on the other hand, have ONE reason to not like it so much, just in case something like this happened...
Now that's what I call HOT !
(Source: http://www.newlaunches.com/archives/macbook_inferno...)
