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The Nasi Lemak Culture
What are Malaysians and how are they defined?
Xenophobik, by email.

Dear Xenophobik,
Malaysians are interesting specimens that should be studied thoroughly by many major universities. They live on a diet of mamak food, teh tarik and laksa, so any national crisis in Malaysia usually means a direct threat on any of these dishes. The occasional allegation of stroke causing teh tarik and boric-acid noodles is treated with the lifted Malaysian eyebrow - before they return to their gorging once again.

Malaysia is a democratic country, and Malaysians are a democratic bunch. They stack flags one on top the other on their car roofs and spray messages on political posters, usually concerning the genitalia of the said political figure. They are fed a constant stream of censored music, movies and their newspapers are filled by Datuks and Tuns, who must blame someone for their community's problems. Malaysian thought is controlled by the ISA (I Sodomized Anwar) act and they are afraid they would be arrested and jailed without trail, in programs such as Operasi Lallang (The Weed Operation). To top it off, the Malaysian Parliament is a serious place of discussion, where pressing issues require MPs to call each other monkeys/snakes/jangan kurang ajar (or vice versa) and kings of all the animals in the jungle.

Socially Malaysians get along very well. Malaysian driving resembles pinball and the Malaysian public toilet requires David Blaine levitation to use. Malaysian are also very polite. With the exception of opening doors, picking up dropped papers and thanking Readers Digest researchers, we are the most polite people on the planet. The only people who beat us are New Yorkers, for they are Americans and the care a lot for other people.

In a durian shell Malaysians are a weed fearing, pinball playing, laksa eating, levitating branch of the human race. I hope you understand them better.